Starship Dave

So I gets a call on the phonesy a while back, looking to see if I'm available to work six days on the new Eddie Murphy film, Starship Dave.

I don't have anything to do (on account I'm a ruined man with no life) so I eagerly express interest. Thing is, I have to come in and register with Central Casting pretty much the day before I start working, and anticipate a trip into Hoboken for the following six days (at my own expense) to meet up with a bus to the Liberty Island ferry. "Sounds good", I say to myself. No time like the present.

When I go to register with the casting company, I finally get to lay eyes on the sultry young casting agent I spoke to on the phone. I was late for the open call for background they hold on a weekly basis and immediately the receptionist gave me a "you're too late, go away" hand gesture. I ask "well, then can I speak to the sultry young casting agent (name withheld) I spoke to last week?". All of a sudden, I get the star treatment. That is, until said casting lady comes out and gives me that "I'll never ever touch you" look.

Okay, we're doing good. I've been to a few of these open registrations, and there's always the same mix: "Girl from midwestern state" Moved here in hopes of stardom. More power to you babe. There's "Overly talkative guy", who chats up employee of the agency who's trying to tell us the policy of the company and desperately needs a kick in the mouth. Then there's "old guy" who you see very often, and have seen before. He's "Always on Law and Order". He's nice, doesn't want trouble, and has perhaps led a different career in the past and is trying new options. Good for him.

Anyway , I'm led to the masses by said casting person. She informs her fellow employee in charge of directing the group that I am "someone we're working with tomorrow", which immediately sends chills through the spines of the whole of the applicant group. "I thought you weren't allowed in late".

This of course lead to dirty looks by several "midwesties", a few "overly talkatives" (who by the way somehow got the impression they were so good looking in their "Kansas" or whatever fucking piece of shit state they're from until they saw me). "Yeah, you should get into acting", their prom queen girlfriends told them. Fuck that guy.

I'm not happy with the way my teeth look. They're not "movie star" quality as of yet, and it's always been a problem with me. And by that I mean they're horrible and if I had taken care of that earlier with whatever crumbs I've earned in the working world my life, they would be so very awesome and I wouldn't have to deal with this. Note that I've gotten by with decent headshots (so far) that somehow miraculously didn't require me smiling. The point of this rant?

Eventually, in these open calls comes the time where the "Hey, we'd like to take a quick digital photo to see what you look like right now cause it'll help you get more jobs, Is that OK?" - question arises. And of course, everyone ahead of you is smiling like the fucking earth was about to explode and Satan himself told them if they smile he won't completely torture them before hellfire. Smiles that look like they hurt.

Lets move on. I let literally 99% of the room go before me, even though I was strategically placed in front of the line, just so the rest of the people in this room wouldn't have to see me give the camera my patented look that says "I'm angry, but I have a wide range, I swear!... I just never smile or expose my teeth otherwise that would ruin everything". The guy taking the picture said something like "Hey, that was good", but I'm already worried about the train ride home to listen to his lies and now I'm ushered into another room where myself and another girl who've been picked for this thing tomorrow are briefed on the next days activities (wardrobe, etc.). Luckily, I'm informed quickly that the need for the PATH train "Eleven Trip QuickCard" I was five minutes away from purchasing is unnecessary, as transportation will now be provided in the form of a bus (from Canal Street). Relieved, I'm then told about the 5:30AM call time. The name of the game, is what I think to myself. Now keep in mind that I took all of these pictures myself (except the one of myself of course). Now bask in my photographic genius. Don't forget to check out the my kung-fu slide show at the bottom of the post.

Day One:

Nervous, and not very alert. Not feeling that I'm looking my best. Of course I would have no idea yet that I wouldn't be near a camera anytime soon. Sounds fucked up and shallow, but isn't that what it's all about, this whole thing? I try to make the trip on the train as easy as possible, so there is a looong walk from the Canal st. stop I get off at. The day goes well. I mean, when was the last time I've been to the Statue of Liberty? The first ferry to the island was just for us, cast, background and crew. There's lots of waiting until they need you, no sign of any major actors in the film. At least you eat well from craft services and catering on these things. Typical first day, but it was cool for me because I haven't been on a feature film set in a while. The movie starts out with Eddie Murphy as a space captain. He and his crew are only 3 inches tall, and they crash land to earth (at the Statue of Liberty) in a starship that is - Eddie Murphy's full size body.

Day Two:

Same routine as the day before. Awkward eye contact ensues today, as it sinks in to all of us extras that we'll have to see each other for the next few days and we might have to actually talk to each other. Lunch time is fun the second day around, because the High School-esque "what table you gonna sit at?" dance begins. Since I'm portraying a tourist, I have brought my own camera (pretty snazzy one), so at least I get some decent pics. I find it mind boggling how some of the other extras, New York and New Jersey natives, had never been to the Statue of Liberty before. Not with their family, not on a school class trip, never. How is that possible? When I was a kid, people ended up there by accident, you couldn't miss it.

Day Three:

Okay, now the cloudy weather that has plagued the island with scattered showers and bleak dark skies has apparently done a complete turn-around. Now you see, I am a Puerto Rican by genetics, and that usually allows for some awesome tanning of my beautifully toned Latin skin. No need for sunblock! was my motto. "That's only for small kids and pasty white girls". So slowly throughout the day I notice the weather getting warmer, and very very sunny. Then I start to get the "ouch" look from several passersby. Not more weird or scared looks than I get from strangers on a normal day, so I don't give it much thought. That is, until I go to the bathroom to splash water on my face and the "Home Alone" scream comes out. I have a horrible sunburn, especially on my nose. I figure we'll have the weekend off, so it's no biggie and I'll have a chance to heal. The next day is my birthday, and it's time to have some fun.

Day Four:

We all return from a much needed break over the weekend. My birthday sucked (huge fucking surprise), and guess what? My sunburn didn't heal. Basically my nose is starting to peel off completely. There was a former FDNY firefighter on the set who suggested I get some aloe, not the gel mind you, he meant the fucking plant like it's growing next to the tree outside my house or something. So I spent most of the day with my head down trying not show my face until a very nice girl there (not bad looking either) helps me out with some powder foundation makeup thing she had.

Day Five:

Okay, I'm patriotic and all, but now I'm sick of this place. Spending 14 hours a day at the Statue of Liberty with all the real tourists infesting the place as well is a test of your sanity. I love when some of them look lost, it's hilarious. Did you already see the statue? Then what the fuck else can you possibly be looking for? In my opinion the place desperately needs a roller coaster. Today was cool because there was action in the form of helicopters and coast guard boats with machine guns on them. I never knew cute little coast guard boats had machine guns on them this whole time. Wow, you learn something new everyday.

Finally, after so many days of being so far away from any real action or anything resembling a camera, I'm finally picked out of a crowd to do a little reaction shot. I'm matched up with someone who remarkably looks like she could be my mother. It's a scene where we walk off the ferry and Elizabeth Banks (hot) and some guy from Buffy or Angel has to push through us to run onto the island. So now that the camera was on me it might be worth watching this movie when it's released after all (May 2008).

I find out later in the day I'm cut from the last day of work. I'm not the least bit disappointed.

I've paid my dues, and I've come to the realization that I probably never have to go see the Statue of Liberty again for the rest of my life. And after all is said and done, I'm not afraid to admit I might prefer Charlie Murphy to his brother at the moment. You gotta admit though, these pictures are awesome. Top notch, award winning photography.