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Thank You, Minnesota
Wednesday, 7 October 2009
In a season that saw the Yankees, after being shut out of the playoffs for the first time in 14 years last year, run away with a major-league best 103 wins, one thing was for sure: Not all American League divisions in 2009 were created equal. Baseball is unique among professional sports in this country for it's excruciatingly long 162 game season. It seems ages ago that the Yankees secured their AL East division victory. They've had plenty of time to arrange their pitching rotation, rest their Kate Hudson impregnating superstars, and prepare for a postseason that, as always, they expect to see through to an inevitable World Series win, much to the pleasure of their senile, evil Scrooge/Mr. Burns hybrid team owner. They chose to sit in their gold-plated chaise lounges for the last week plus and sip their expensive champagne, a rare Yankees-only special bubbly made with the tears of babies.
Meanwhile, in the AL Central, the grunt work wasn't quite done. For two teams (you know, the disadvantaged kind of teams who don't play in 1.5 Billion-dollar stadiums), The Detroit Tigers and the Minnesota Twins, circumstances, (or fate) would lead them to the battleground that is that rare, elusive 163rd game. A one game playoff was at hand. The loser goes home, and the winner (as Jimmy Fallon put it in his late night show monologue) gets to go on to play the Yankees...and then go home.
How did we arrive at such a do-or-die situation? Well, as recently as Sep. 6, the Tigers held a 7 game lead in the division. It would seem that fate was on their side. Alas, history has shown us that sometimes, when "fate" is on your side, it makes it that much easier for "fate" to fist-fuck you into submission. The Twins, on the other hand, didn't let the standings shake their resolve. They pulled themselves up by their boot straps and went on a torrid streak, winning 16 of their last 20 games to pull into a one game showdown at home in the Metrodome.
The night started in typical fashion. The Tigers, with help from a 2-run homer in the third inning by wife-beater Miguel Cabrera, held on to a 3-1 lead until the seventh inning, when the Twins took the lead on a home run by shortstop Orlando Cabrera (not a wife beater). It seemed the Twins were in. Time to pack their bags for New York? Not so fast, because Tigers right fielder Magglio Ordonez contributed a bomb of his own in the eighth inning to tie the game at 4-4.
And so it remained into the ninth inning. The excitement of this game quickly materialized, and anyone with a heartbeat had it racing as the scored stayed the same until the end of the inning. It seemed that these two teams, who were tied after 162 games, would remain tied after another 9 innings of baseball. This was to be the first AL tiebreaker to go into extra innings. History was afoot.
Once again, it seemed the Cinderella story of the Twins season would end shoeless and pumpkin filled, as Brandon Inge's double in the 10th inning scored a run, leading to a 5-4 Tigers lead. However, those who didn't yet change the channel were rewarded in the home half of the inning, as Matt Tolbert singled to center, scoring Michael Cuddyer. Still with me? The score is tied now, 5-5.
On to the top of the 12th. The TIgers load the bases, and it seems pretty much over for the Twins (again). TBS play by play announcer Chip Caray begins to remark something along the lines of "If the Twins can get out of this...". Since you're really supposed to be unbiased, the second half of his sentence, which one can imagine being something like "Then they deserve to win", was interrupted by the wise, (and one of my favorites, Mets announcer Ron Darling), who said "Then it would seem destiny is on their side, right?".
They say baseball is a game of inches, and this point was illustrated as Brandon Inge stepped up to the plate with the bases loaded. First, let me preface this by mentioning the fact that Major League Baseball umpires are instructed to award a base to a batter who is hit by a pitch (HBP in your scorecards). This is a rule that has been around since the game's inception, but as the modern era of the sport has arrived, many of these players, with their hip-hop culture, gold chains, crazy hair, rock n' roll music, etc., have chosen to wear very ill-fitting uniforms. They claim it helps "mobility", but that's all bullshit. Pull up your pants!, I say. "Tuck in your fucking shirt, asshole!", I also say, but not quite as often. This becomes a distraction for me in cases like this.
Minnesota pitcher Bobby Keppel threw a pitch that came up and in on Inge. Being that Inge's jersey was so fucking baggy that it hung well into the (already disputed) strike zone, it seems that it may have grazed the jersey. I firmly believe the rule should be clarified to say that yes, you will be granted a base, but only if the ball hits YOU, not your Extra-Large sized shirt. If I was an ump, if I don't hear the ball hit your person, or ribs breaking, you are not going anywhere. The ump in this instance did not see it as a hit batsman, and I completely agree. Inge didn't agree and threw a hissy fit. I mean, come on, during a game with so much back and forth action and excitement, is he supposed to allow a run to be forced home (mind you, the bases are loaded) because you didn't make enough effort to get out of the way? This is just another case of the city of Detroit expecting a bailout, but refusing to improve the product and move with the times.
After a long, hard fought, four hour and 37 minute battle, unfortunately the Twins barely had time to celebrate. They had to board a plane to New York to face the Yankees, and didn't arrive to their hotel until after 4:00 in the morning.
"This is the most unbelievable game I've ever played or seen," - Twins shortstop Orlando Cabrera
Tell me about it. Good luck Minnesota. Choke on a fat one, Yankees.
